Mary Sue is Coming to Town
by xcrazibabii69x
Summary: I'm getting sick of all the Mary Sues on this website, so I wrote a PARODY.
1. Chapter 1

It was Mary Sue's second day in Canada, and she was already starting school at (you guessed it) _Degrassi Community School, _(crowd cheers) and we all know how people from America just randomly move to Canada to escape their long, hard pasts. We see her walk up the steps, even though when people write Mary Sues, they want it to be them, so maybe we don't really see her walking up the steps.

She's all by herself, and bunches of people, mainly guys, run up to her. Guys including Spinner, who gets ran over by Jimmy's wheelchair for making Rick shoot him, Jimmy, who has a girlfriend but is always sitting so someone can ride on his lap, Craig, whose girlfriend left him for London, and some other little black kid that no one really wants on the show so he got shoved aside. Jay, Sean (who came back just for the new season), and Towerz all stand off to the side and look gangsta.

"Oh no!" Mary Sue cried out in despair. "How will I _ever_ choose? I need someone to help me escape from my long, hard, past!"

"Fuck this," Jimmy muttered, and rolled away to Hazel. Jimmy's the only character that's got his head on straight because barley anyone writes fics about him. Craig turned to Mary Sue.

"I've had a long, hard past too. We can deal together."

"Okay. But first I have to make Jay and Towerz go soft and then make all the girls lesbian and catfight over me and then make Marco un-gay and become best friends with Emma. But then we can go out, okay?"

"Deal."

**Part 2: Jay writes Mary Sue a love poem.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Haha wow, I love how I've gotten SO many reviews. Actually I really could care less, all I'm trying to do here is get the point across that you SHOULDN'T WRITE FUCKING MARY SUES. They're annoying as HELL. Anyways, flame me all you want. This wasn't meant to be a masterpiece; it's meant to tell people something and maybe even piss people off. So really, say anything. It doesn't bother me.**

Mary Sue had four successful days at Degrassi. Everyone loved her, except Paige, who hated her a LOT because Mary Sue was taking all her friends away. Mr. O. even noticed her, and that pedophile isn't even in teacher's college anymore. Marco didn't like her much either, because every time he saw her he felt two things: a pang of jealousy because Dylan was staring at her ass all day, and a weird feeling down in his lower region. Maybe he wasn't so gay after all.

Mary Sue was especially excited today, because it was a brand new week of school. She had been staring at Jay, Sean, and Craig the whole four days she had been at school and was pretty convinced that she could seduce any of them. They even stopped looking at Manny, and so Manny decided to hate her and wear even less clothes. On Monday she showed up in a miniskirt and a tube top, but Mary Sue was triumphant once again, because SHE wore her g-string bikini.

"You bitch!" Manny shrieked. "I'M the school slut! Go fuck yourself!"

"Why would I? I can get any guy in this school! YOU'RE just used goods!" Mary Sue retorted.

"Oh no she didn't," Darcy muttered.

"Shut up, you pointless little girl. You're only here so Rick could look at some pussy and Emma could have a friend when she contracted an STD from MY future boyfriend!"

Alex, who had turned lesbian, suddenly got jealous. SHE secretly wanted Mary Sue. She couldn't tell anyone though, because Ellie, her girlfriend, would get angry. Emma, however, was still the ravine queen…just on the other side of town. She was Bardel's slut now, and she was a dick sucking pro. No one could beat her. She was covered in bracelets. She even made earrings out of some.

"Mary Sue, you're getting my sloppy seconds." She stuck up her nose and walked away. This was just a bother to Mary Sue, so she tripped her and turned back to Manny.

"I'm the school slut now, and if you have a problem with that, you can…uh…you can…" But by then Mary Sue was cut short. Jay ran up to her.

"Mary Sue! I love you. I even wrote you a poem!" Mary Sue looked at the paper, and smiled seductively.

"Thank you, Jay. Now I have to run off squealing to the bathroom." And so she did. When she got there, she read it out loud.

_I love you, Mary Sue_

_For all the wonderful things you do._

_I love the way you laugh._

_I even love the way you talk about crap._

_Instead of Craig or Sean, choose me!_

_I'm more of a man than they'll ever be._

_Sean ran home to his parents._

_Craig beat up his step-dad._

_Then his girlfriend left him._

_I know, it's sad._

_So keep it real…and choose me, yo._

_Love, Jay_

Mary Sue smiled, and then thought long and hard about her decision. 30 seconds later, she spoke again. "Aww, how cute. I think I'll choose Jay."

And so, Mary Sue and Jay (who was standing outside the bathroom the whole time) walked arm and arm down the hall, while Alex and Ellie made out to make them both jealous. It didn't work.

**I don't know what the next chapter's gonna be yet. I need some inspiration from some horrible stories.**


	3. Chapter 3

**WOW! I got a lot of reviews for this now…thank you to everyone who reviewed, even though "carmelswirl11" said it sucked. But that's fine, cause that girl emails me like twice a day telling me to quit emailing her and each time I try to, she emails me some more. I don't get it. Anyway, thanks for reading. :)**

Jay and Mary Sue had been going out for 2 weeks. It was soooooooooo cute. She had turned all gangsta like him, but still was herself. If that makes any sense. And he had turned soft, but was still hard and gangsta. You know how these things work out.

Today they were standing by Mary Sue's locker. Towerz and Amy were there too, making out, and Sean was off sulking in the corner because his ex girlfriend was with Jay's ex girlfriend and he couldn't even get with the new girl. The bell rang. They were all gonna be late to class, but they were hard-ass gangstas, so no one cared. Jay wasn't even going to class. He had to break into the pop machine. But Mary Sue cared about her studies; she was gonna be a pediatrician.

"Bye, honeybunchkinspoopoo," Mary Sue cooed.

"Uh…bye babe. See you after class. I'll be there to meet you." Mary Sue and her new friend, Emma (they had reconciled) squealed and ran off to class.

Mary Sue saw the new leg warmers on Emma, then noticed they were bracelets. She made a mental note to ask her where she got those. They were just so cute! When the girls got to class, Ms. Kwan gave them a Disapproving Look. They sat down in the back and talked about boys and sex. Everyone heard them and by lunch, the rumors had it that Mary Sue got gonorrhea from Emma when they made out in first period English. Mary Sue thought this was a good idea, and made a mental note to ask Emma over for a sleepover. Making that mental note reminded her of her other mental note to ask Emma where she got the bracelets to make the legwarmers and earrings and how come she had so many on her arms.

"Hey Emma, will you go to the bathroom with me?" Mary Sue was excited.

"Sure. That will give me an excuse so I can throw up my food to stay skinny so I can suck di—I mean, uh…maintain a good figure."

"Okay!" The girls skipped off. Once they were at the bathroom, Mary Sue took out a cigarette. Hanging around Jay, Towerz and Amy had some good side effects. She even began keeping a pipe and some weed in her backpack for when she got bored during class.

"Can I have one?" Emma asked.

"Sure. Now tell me, where on earth did you get those cute bracelets?" Emma paused for a second, then leaned close.

"I got them from…The Ravine."

This confused Mary Sue greatly. "What's that?"

"A magical place. It all depends on what you do."

"What depends on what you do?"

"Which color you get."

"Color of what?"

"These." Emma pointed up and down, all over her body.

"You can buy the bracelets at the ravine?"

"No, you earn them. If you suck a…_penis--_" She paused to giggle. "You get a blue one. Like these."

"What other colors can I get?" Mary Sue was excited. A whole career, working for bracelets!

"All the colors of the rainbow." Mary Sue noticed just now that Emma was talking in a slow, deep voice. She sounded kinda like God, only stoned. Speaking of stoned, Mary Sue pulled out her pipe and bag of dro.

"Let's smoke to celebrate!"

And so they did.

The next chapter is definitely the ravine…lol


	4. Chapter 4

**This chapter is dedicated to the best reviewer in the world: crashetburn. I have a special message for you:**

**Every horrible MarySue story on this website, you've reviewed. Also, any horribly written story on this website, you've reviewed rudely, such as "it mite be betur if u us a spel cheker." I was gonna email you to thank you, but you didn't have your email posted on your profile, so I just decided to send it out like this. You're awesome!**

Emma and Mary Sue started getting high every night. On Friday, they had their sleepover. Mary Sue had made another mental note so she remembered her last mental note about wanting to make out with Emma. She decided to ask her.

"Hey Emma, remember the rumors about us making out and then getting gonorrhea from eachother?"

"Yeah, that was some funny shit." She coughed. "Fucking good ass weed, always makin me cough."

"Do you even have gonorrhea?"

"Nooooooooo, Mary Sue; I told you. The clinic is also a magical place. They _cure_ gonorrhea."

"Oh. Wanna make out?"

"Sure! Let me take a hit of this weed first so we can shotgun it!" And so they did. They made out for awhile, then Emma looked at the clock.

"Holy shit! It's 11:07!"

Mary Sue was confused. "And?"

"Uh hello, everyone knows that the ravine starts being fun at 11:17! Come on, we have to make ourselves look like sluts and then meet Amy down there! Maybe you'll even see Jay."

"Oh boy!" Mary Sue put on her bikini but didn't wear the top. Instead, she two sparkly sheer bra cups that she hooked together to make herself look more boob-a-licious. She wore black sparkly high heels and tons of makeup. Emma wore a burgundy minidress with the same heels as Mary Sue. They stole them together!

"I'm so excited! Me and Amy haven't been to this ravine in forever!" Emma exclaimed, as Mary Sue had a hard time walking down the street in her heels. Emma was a pro already.

"OMG! We're here!" Mary Sue took in the awe of the ravine. The beer cans, the slutty girls, the STDs, everything. It was almost too much. Mary Sue spotted a guy that she liked right away. She waved at Jay first then walked over to him.

"Hi! I'm Mary Sue! I'd like to suck your dick in the van that my boyfriend owns for a bracelet!"

Suddenly, Emma came up out of nowhere. "Noooo, Mary Sue. They have to ask _you._"

"Oh."

"That's okay," the random guy said. "I'll do it anyway." He grabbed Mary Sue by the hair and dragged her to the van, screaming, "DICK run this van! NOT PUSSY!"

"Oooo!" Mary Sue exclaimed, then giggled. "Yay."

After the bracelet-earning was done, Mary Sue realized something. She had a Secret, just like all Mary Sues. But there was a problem with this secret: she didn't know what it was yet. She'd have to figure that one out because in order for Craig to like her, she had to tell him so he could help her overcome it. Jay and her decided to break up 10 minutes ago because all he wanted was to give her bracelets. It was sweet, but Craig could provide her with so much more, like pills.

Mary Sue and Emma left the ravine around 2am. But Mary Sue was still so confused. What was her secret? How would she figure it out? But then she had an idea.

"Emma, I'm going to Craig's. I need to find out what my secret is."

"Okay! Have fun!"

So Mary Sue started her walk. As soon as she got to Craig's, though, she figured it out.

**I don't feel like doing the secret right now, mostly because school has fried my brain. If anyone has an idea what the secret should be, please review and tell me.**


	5. Chapter 5

Mary Sue started pounding on Craig's window. She had super-human powers to save the day, so she was able to jump up to the second story on a branch and knock on the window. But when Craig opened it she fell off the branch and almost broke her neck. Thankfully, when she got up, her arm was the only thing broken.

"Craig!"

He yawned. "Mary Sue, what the _hell_ are you doing here? It is 2am. I was sleeping and dreaming about being crazy."

"I have a secret."

"I have a bedtime."

"Shut the fuck up, you bipolar prick. This is the secret you've been waiting to hear."

Craig's ears perked up. "Pussy?"

"NO!"

"Blow job?"

"Now why would you think I'd do that?"

"You just came from the ravine…" His words trailed off.

"I DID N—oh wait. I did. But still. My secret is that I love you. I don't love Jay. We were never meant to be. But you and me…it's us. It always has been. At least for the past 3 months that I've been at Degrassi."

"No more ravine?"

"I promise."

"Good, because you look terrible like that. Look what happened to Manny because I liked her like this. She had to use the abortion button!"

"To your baby?"

"Sad, isn't it? It was all my fault. I'm so stupid…so worthless…so—" But Craig was cut off. A gang of Black people and a bunch of white people wanting to be black randomly came and started shooting at a bunch of Latino people. Mary Sue was curious and Craig was getting horny from looking at her too muchso they decided to go look. But out of nowhere, an _ese_ fired a gun at Craig because apparently he looked gangsta in his wifebeater and boxers. But suddenly it went in slow motion and Mary Sue jumped in front of the bullet. It hit her in the side of the neck.

"Holy shit, homes. I killed a girl!" All the gangsters ran away and left Craig kneeling beside Mary Sue.

"I love you," She whispered, then slipped away.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOO! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOO!" This went on for hours till the neighbors came out and told him to shut up. Then he went inside and made a sandwich, hoping to god he wouldn't get blamed for this. Because really, who wants to be responsible for a Mary Sue dying?

**Sorry, this story wasn't going anywhere so I had to end it. I want to thank everyone for their wonderful reviews and even for the not so nice ones. This was fun to write. Thanks for reading!**


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